A few weeks ago a weird thought occurred to me and I had to write it down.
I took my smartphone, fired up “Remember”, which is a native BlackBerry app for memos (I’m super alternative that way…) and wrote down:
Stop walking around like a made product and become a product in making.
This simple sentence, this seemingly “random and insignificant” thought turned out to be a huge fork in the road in my way of thinking.
I realised that a large part of my life was spent subconsciously comparing myself to others and societal norms of how a “successful” individual should or should not look like. The closer I got to the “ideal”, the better I felt and the further I was from it, the shittier my self confidence was.
Also, whenever I was put in a social situation with new people, I had an unconscious need to live up to my self image and display the qualities I believed I possessed.
In short, I had the need to sell myself.
I know… it sounds like prostitution, but it’s not really all that different.
Think about this for a moment.
You walk into a room full of strangers, what’s the first thing you do?
You put on a persona.
Why do we have a need to put on a persona?
I believe this is not something we are born with, but rather a learned behaviour. When we were young, we were often told things like “Behave.” or “Act appropriately.”
This instilled a belief that at certain times in life, often when we are around “important people”, we should behave in a way that is not necessarily in sync with our true nature.
And this is where we got fucked.
You see, unlike people, life doesn’t care how old you are. You could be 5 years old and it will still fuck the shit out of you and watch you do the “walk of shame” until the rest of your days.
Besides feeling like a total fraud and constantly worrying you’ll be found out, wearing a mask is a full-time job that not only exhausts your energy and creativity, but also prevents you from establishing authentic intimate connections with people who actually DO resonate with your real nature.
“But if I don’t put on a mask, people will see the “shitty me” and nobody will like me…”
Instead of telling you that you are not a shitty person and that you’re actually a valuable human being, I’m going to stop myself because I don’t know you and I actually believe some people really ARE shitty.
You may be the shittiest person alive, as far as I’m concerned.
But you’re STILL better off without a mask.
As long as you make this simple shift in your thinking…
Ready? Here it is:
Stop putting yourself up for sale. Pull yourself out of the marketplace. You are not complete. You will never be complete. You cannot sell an incomplete product even if you wanted to. Incomplete products do not need marketing nor selling.
Feel the relief of internalising this truth. Let it really sink in.
As long as you don’t put yourself on the market, people won’t judge you as “good” or “bad”. Just as we don’t judge players who sit out the game, we don’t judge people who aren’t trying to sell themselves.
Decide that you’re not up for sale, become a “product in making” and enjoy life.
To your success,