Sorry I havent been making any videos lately, I recently went through a really rough break up, the worst imaginable actually and I was just crushed… couldn’t eat or sleep for days, lost around 4kgs in one week, it has literally one of the most painful and silmotaneously eye opening experiences of my life.
It taught me a lot about myself, other people and life in general. This is why I want to dedicate this video to overcoming emotional trauma. I was surprised to find so many information on the internet that I believe is just plain wrong and doesn’t provide a long term solution to the problem. In fact, most of these resources recommend “healthy escapism” as a way of dealing with emotional traumas.
By healthy escapism I mean anything that is not destructive for you, but still serves as means to escape dealing with the emotions face to face. Such things may include positive thinking, visualizations, spending time in company of other people and avoiding being alone, occupying yourself with work, entertainment, being present to the moment and avoiding thinking about the situation. Unhealthy escapism would include things such as alcohol, drugs, rebound relationships, etc.
I’ve done this in the past, and I have to say that it does work, if your goal is to eliminate negative emotions as soon as possible and at any cost. However, the downside to this approach is that you don’t get to learn the lesson, and next time the same trigger shows up in your life, you are going to have to face the trauma all over again.
The confusion becomes even bigger if you are familiar with or have been practicing the law of attraction which basically states that you attract in your life whatever it is you are emotionally charged about and/or are thinking about most of the time. Most people have a limited understanding of this “law” and believe that they should avoid dealing with negative emotions at all costs, because it can only manifest more negative emotions.
STEP ONE – SHADOW WORK
This is where “shadow work” comes into play. If you’re not familiar with shadow work, I highly advise you go and watch Teal Swans video about shadow work, link in the description box below. Shadow work basically implies digging up your deeply supressed, subconscious core limiting beliefs and becoming aware of them, which then allows you to change them and alter them for good, so that the next time the trigger appears, you will not react the same way again.
This is exactly what I’ve been doing for the past few weeks, and I won’t lie, it is extremely uncomfortable. If you imagine your subconscious as a circle, and your core limiting beliefs that caused all the negative emotions related to the trigger (your traumatic experience) are in the center, you’ll find yourself going around and around the center, becomes the closer you come to it, the more painful it is to face it. This is where most people give up. Consider it like a tumor, unless you get rid of every last cancer cell, the cancer may come back. However, once you identify the core beliefs, a sudden feeling of relief comes over you, and it is almost like a state of bliss, a recognition of truth and an opportunity to reclaim your personal power.
You can choose not to take this path, but you will be like a car that always drives with a handbreak on. You can still drive, adding gas, pretending that the handbreak isnt on, but you will never be able to go at your full speed, and your system will overheat and possibly break down completely. Ignorance is a short lived bliss.
Sit down with your negative emotions, with your fear, embrace is, know that it cannot hurt you, it is there to teach you a lesson and it will leave soon after. There is no greater motivator and facilitator of change than pain. Quote from David Deida:
“Austerity means to eliminate the comforts and cushions in your life that you have learned to snuggle into and lose wakefulness. Take away anything that dulls your edge. No newspapers or magazines. No TV. No candy, cookies, or sweets. No sex. No cuddling. No reading of anything at all while you eat or sit on the toilet. Reduce working time to a necessary minimum. No movies. No conversation that isn’t about truth, love, or the divine.
If you take on these disciplines for a few weeks, as well as any other disciplines that may particularly cut through your unique habits of dullness, then your life will be stripped of routine distraction. All that will be left is the edge you have been avoiding by means of your daily routine. You will have to face the basic discomfort and dissatisfaction that is the hidden texture of your life. You will be alive with the challenge of living your truth, rather than hiding form it.
By eliminating the safety net of comforts in your life, you have the opportunity to free fall in this moment between birth and death, right through the hole of your fear, into the unthreatenable openness which is the source of your gifts.”
- embrace the fact that everything comes and goes, everything dies and is reborn, and that you cant hold onto anything forever. practice non attachment, but do not mistake it for apathy. rejoice the change. it is the only constant thing in the universe, it is what creates both the most beautiful and most terrifying things in the universe.
- embrace the fact that there are no guarantees in life, that pain is unavoidable, and that the comfortable life you’ve built for yourself will eventually pass. then (if you’re lucky) all you’re left with is faith in yourself and the knowledge that every down leads to a new, higher up. if you’re willing to learn from it and not resist the change.
i learned so much from the pain that i found myself resisting to let it go. i rarely get the opportunity to go inwards so deeply and honestly, because it is really not often that there’s a FIRE burning under my ass, and apparently thats what people need to make big decisions. you wont stop smoking until you get signs of lung cancer, you wont consider changing the people you hang out with until they fuck you over, its just the way we’re conditioned. but we have to be very acutely sensitive to recognize when we’ve learned everything we have to learn so that we can decide to move on in a new direction. if we linger in the pain for too long, we might get addicted to it, addicted of the comfort of knowing where we are, even though it is painful, rather than going on into the unknown. this is why most abused wives never leave their husbands. at least they know where they are, it is less scary to stay there than it is to leave and rebuild their life, because there are no guarantees. on the flipside, if you leave too early, you may not learn the lesson in its entirety and give in to the sense of relief, which puts you right back on the old track.
- for me, my core limiting belief (not being enough, wont be loved, people leave when they see the real me), replaced it with (business relationships = intimate relationships, mutual benefit, flower and a blind person, change)
STEP TWO – FORGIVE
Tendency to blame is high, forgive others and forgive yourself, it’s the only way to move on. Someone once said, resentment is drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die. Forgive for your own benefit, be selfish and release the need to judge. I know it sounds hard, but it’s the only way to leave your past behind you. You owe it to yourself. We’re only humans, and humans have always and will always make mistakes. Life is often uncertain and unfair, and there’s nothing we can do about it.
STEP THREE (MOVING ON): NAC, AFFIRMATIONS/INCANTATIONS, EXERCISE, DIET, MEETING NEW PEOPLE, MUSIC, MEDITATION, HUMOR, PASSIONS, NOVELTY, SELF DEVELOPMENT BOOKS, VIDEOS